Dear Upstairs Neighbors,

How many times a day do you change clothes? I understand that there are different outfits for different occasions but it seems like every time I sit on my bed, right under where you keep your dresser, I hear you open your dresser then close it at least 2 times. I sit on my bed quite often. And it seems odd that every time I do, you happen to be getting in your obnoxiously loud dresser. Please use your closet.

Thanks. 

Dear Architecture Major,

I know you have to draw the inside of the new building but please pick a better spot than the FRIKKIN’ staircase to sit. I will fall on you to get my point across.

Thanks.

dear girl walking behind me, just because i have head phones on doesnt mean i cant hear you call me a bitch for walking in front of you.

Dear Person Who Parks Right by my Window,

If you are going to run inside really quick to get something you forgot, please don’t turn your car alarm back on then back off when you walk out to your car. Especially since your alarm has to make noise to tell you it’s on and off. You were inside for less than 3 minutes and while I know your 2003 Subaru is a classic and in such great condition, you don’t need to worry about someone stealing it in those 3 minutes. Trust me.

Or don’t park in front of my window, that would be awesome too…

Thanks.

Dear Man on Mo-ped,

No matter how cool you think you are, wearing a leather jacket does not make you cooler. It just makes you sad. Especially when your top speed is 15mph.

Thanks.

Dear English 230,

You are easily one of the least important classes I’ve taken in my college career. I understand that some how there are people out there who have made it in college and they still don’t know how to write an essay. Even after they take Eng 103 and Eng 104. I understand that we need to think critically to write a good essay. I feel I have a good grasp on that already. I have been writing essays since I was in 4th grade. Now in my senior year of college, I feel like this is one of the most pointless classes I’ve taken. Please stop with all of the this busy work and I might care a little more about this class. Maybe. But doubtful. 

Thanks.

Dear Stinky Kid Next to Me in Class,

Thank you for bathing. On Wednesday it was almost unbearable. You seriously smelled like you dumped a thing of vinegar on you before you came to class. Today you didn’t have any directly noticeable offensive smells. 

Thanks. 

Dear Lady at the Doctor’s Office

Thank you so much for being so nice and cheerful on the phone today. I have what some people would call an irrational fear of talking on the phone, I know I would. I needed to call today to refill a prescription, something that I’d been dreading for the past week when I realized I needed it refilled. Thank you so much for being so nice. It really made the already uncomfortable situation a lot more bearable.

Thanks.

Dear CS 204,

Thank you for seeming like an easy class. Not only will you help relieve stress but you will also be a GPA boost, even if you are only 1 credit. 

Thanks!

Dear Allergies,

I’ve suffered you since about the age of 4. I’ve been allergic to just about anything you can think of. Different medications, food colorings, pollen of all sorts, even artificial sweeteners. I would really appreciate it if you just disappeared. I don’t understand what you’re trying to protect me from if I can’t even sit in my living room with a window open without sneezing for the rest of the day. If you go away, I promise to never say a bad thing about you again. 

Thanks.